Cracking the Communication Code - Jeremie Kubicek | Ep 22

Jeremie Kubicek  
Years ago, I interviewed for one of my books called that 100x. Leader, I interviewed the Sherpa on Mount Everest, and little in a tent, they had Wi Fi. And I asked them it was like, Okay, guys, so how many times have you made it to the top? And there, they looked at me and I'm like, that's such a Western question. We get that all the time. We hate that question. And one of them pulled off his belt, and it was the new route, and the new route pulled the belt and he had 17 notches on his belt. And if he goes I don't know how many times I've summited, but I've helped 17 People make it the top. Welcome

Speaker 1  
to the Stacking Habits podcast with your host, David,

Caleb Roth  
Matthew and Caleb, our mission each week is to dig into the habits, rituals and routines of guests who are living life to the fullest. But remember, knowledge without action is worthless. So be sure to take what you hear and put it into practice. turn these words into words in your own life. Without further ado, let's dive in. All right, hello, and welcome to episode 22 of the Stacking Habits podcast. I'm your host, Caleb, we're joined by Matthew and all the way from Oklahoma City. We have Jeremie Kubitschek. Coming to the show. Jeremie is a top 100 speaker. He's a serial entrepreneur, not breakfast cereal, he's just done it a number of times. He's co founder of giants worldwide, which we'll talk about in just a minute, six summers, Zoey and better. And also, we were just chatting pre show provide sports performance expertise to the University of Oklahoma football. So he's a busy man, we're really excited that you've given us some of your time, Jeremie and to kind of dive into these pieces as well. And if that's not enough, it says you even manage a wedding venue on 104 acres in Oklahoma. So

Jeremie Kubicek  
my wife does it's 1000 acre farm

Caleb Roth  
off by a magnitude.

Jeremie Kubicek  
I didn't five year old fine at this point. My wife does that work. And so it's just it's really fun. It's fun, just different. That's incredible.

Caleb Roth  
So the reason we heard about giant worldwide episode five, we interviewed Audrey Wyman and she introduced us real briefly kind of talk through the five gears framework. I've never heard of it. I've never even heard a giant worldwide shame on me. And since then, I have picked up five voices, communication code, and more. So I know you just finished writing the communication code. And I do want to dive into that. But what do you love about frameworks so much? So each of these books has a framework with five main points, most pastors have three, you tend to be an overachiever and go to five. So can you explain what you love about frameworks and why.

Jeremie Kubicek  
So in the past, I used to run these big events. And I used to work with these big brands. So I we had bought the John Maxwell's assets, I had started the CIC play leader cast, the catalyst conferences, all these really, really large events, and they were kind of the framework was butts and seats selling books. And then it was it was kind of 20th century learning was a lot of bullet points, some stories mixed in. And I realized that 21st Century Learning, there's not that much time 21st Century Learning is a visual, you have to create common objective language, put it in visual form. So it's sticky. And it's simple, scalable, and sustainable. And so in essence, it's just it's been my journey and 21st century adult learning that most adults are cynical noodles. So you have to frame it very quickly. And you have to build it into a metaphor that they cannot forget. It just stays with them. So like the five, the five years is kind of a work life balance. You won't forget it. Once you get through it. The five voices is personality. It takes Carl Jung's work, and we're Myers Briggs and all of these big five all these things that come from but they're hard to remember, it's hard to remember INTJ or to know how to explain it. But if you say I'm a pioneer, or I'm a nurturer, or then you'll remember it. So all of them are designed to be just memorable. And then something that you can actually teach on a cocktail napkin to somebody else. That's how you learn if you can teach it to someone else you learned because you teach when you learn. To teach. I like that.

Caleb Roth  
Yeah, kind of the napkin tests should work for a business idea or business concept as well. So if you can distill it down, I know in the book, you talk about trying to simplify things. So it's easy enough for a 13 year old to learn the concepts. And do you think so our habits, our podcast is all about being practical and putting things into action? Do you have to understand something first before you can put it into action? Is that why a simple framework is sort of unnecessary construct.

Jeremie Kubicek  
What I would say is you have to you can't give what you don't possess so you give what you possess. So if you learn something for yourself, you're like, Oh, my goodness, ah, I do that, don't I? We have this tool called Know Yourself, delete yourself. And it's this idea that you understand your tendencies, tendencies have patterns, patterns of actions. If you want to change your actions, you have to be aware of your tendencies you have to be aware of this flow. So by by teaching a framework or teaching a tool and having it have a big impact on you, it's a it's a testimonial, you're just sharing with someone else like, okay, dude, I gotta tell you, I didn't realize, but I have this issue. I get defensive. I didn't realize I get defensive. Oh, my God, they're like, Yeah, you sure do. But, but by doing this, know yourself to lead yourself, you become authentic. And then people see that you're growing yourself, then they're intrigued, because they're like, Oh, how did you learn that? And then they want to learn it for themselves. So

Caleb Roth  
yeah, so Matthew actually brought this up in the in the pre show, he talked about the idea of Do you have to be skilled at something before you teach it? So Matthew, you want to kind of dive into that concept? Just a bit? Because I think Jeremie just opened the door there. Yeah,

Matthew Osborn  
well, it's something that's been debated for a long time. But the idea of does someone actually have to have done something in order to teach something you hear about the quote unquote, fake gurus that teach someone how to build a million dollar business, but they themselves never built a million dollar business. But yet, some of these gurus actually can be successful at teaching others to do something they haven't done themselves. You see this most often, I feel like in sports, where the some of the best coaches were not necessarily the best players, or even the ones that were the best of the position they're teaching. And so it's kind of that balance of how much do you have to know before you can coach something effectively? And does that correlation have to exist? Or can you actually be an effective teacher? If you've not done it yourself? In the past?

Jeremie Kubicek  
I'm gonna go a little nerdy, I'm not going to just give you a Sunday School answer, I'm gonna go look deeper. Okay. So for those breakdown influence, if you're going to have influence with someone, and someone sees that you're someone that have implants, that you actually know what you're talking about, then you have to have the competency with credibility. So if you don't have credibility, but you're only giving competence, you're only just sharing information, it'll only go so far. Meaning that people won't, they might lower their wall to listen to you a little bit. But you don't have full influence, because we can feel if you're faking it, or if you're just espousing, and people build companies all the time on transferring information that they haven't done themselves. So we call it a training triangle that you have to learn the information, imitate it, before you can innovate it. So if you don't, if you haven't imitated the information, and you go from information directly to innovation, then there's danger there. Because people will feel ultimately long term. Usually those people are wondering Dunn's. They're like a quick flower that blooms and then they go away. Because everyone realizes that they're just trading, they're just stealing, because they haven't done it themselves. So you can of course, sure you can teach anything to anybody at any time. It's not the teaching, it's not the transfer of the teaching. It's the influence of the teaching. That

Caleb Roth  
makes sense, a phrase, I used to work in medical devices, and we had a phrase and teaching we'd say, See One, Do One, Teach One. And there's something there's a really strong value in teaching because when you have to break it down simple enough for a 13 year old or for your class to understand it, that means you have to have a pretty concrete graphs on the

Jeremie Kubicek  
reality that guy says that in the past, we were in apprenticeship culture. And because of technology, we moved from apprenticeship industrial revolution, to you know, this technology era. So it's like, I don't No one's sitting there next to you going, how did you do that email? How did you work on notion? I mean, you can, but in the past, it used to be bricklaying, or building a home. So it was like, Okay, watch me. Okay, see this, don't put your finger here, you'll get electrocuted, you're gonna die, you know, and you had like, literally physical hands on in a factory. So I think we've lost a lot of that apprenticeship. I think we've lost a lot of training of people. Because we move so fast. Now you're watching someone on YouTube, you're watching YouTube video, and then you're kind of imitating there. But you're learning it from people on a digital world more so than you're learning directly or face to face. And it's just changed the dynamic of I think teaching and learning. Yeah.

Caleb Roth  
Do you think we ought to consider going back to a system that uses apprenticeships? Or do you think there's a better way now that we have technology and

Jeremie Kubicek  
I don't think going back, I think adding an apprenticeship. So the idea is you are actually your job is to be a Sherpa. Your job is to help while you climb, help other people climb. So it's performed while helping people perform. And so if you have a Sherpa mindset, then your job is to get people in the next level. But most people have a climber mindset. And their mindset is just how do I get to the top? And I years ago I interviewed for one of my books called that 100x leader, I interviewed the Sherpa I'm not Everest, and little in a tent, they had Wi Fi. And I asked them, it was like, Okay, guys, so how many times have you made it to the top? And there, they looked at me. And I'm like, that's such a Western question. We get that all the time. We hate that question. And one of them pulled off his belt, and it was the new route. And the new route pulled the belt and he had 17 notches on his belt. And if he goes, I don't know how many times I've summited, but I've helped 17 people make the top. And it's like, it's a different mindset. And again, if you're a climber, which is just just a performer, an employee, a person who's you know, great, be the best you can be. But for those who are leading people, you've got to get really, really good at teaching while you climb. And that's, that's a hard, hard job. Yeah.

Caleb Roth  
That's a great mentality, though. Alright, so Jeremie, you wrote a book called The Communication code, I believe it came out just a few months ago. So it's still relatively new. And one of the goals you mentioned, as you read, as I read through it says, our goal is that you could take a problematic relationship and make it better, whether at home or work, or both. It's a bold claim, I love it. We're in the middle of a relationship series here on Stacking Habits. And as humans, we're relational critters. And I believe that the like, the strength of your relationships directly correlates to the impact you can have in the world. And so I'd like you to go back, you've got a business partner, co founder, I believe of giants. And his name is Steve, we're going to be interviewing him later this week. So we're going to have a week full of Oh, good, giant. But I'd love it if you could tell us about that infamous meeting at a restaurant called Jack and Alice, just outside of London, where kind of the the premise for this book was created. Yeah,

Jeremie Kubicek  
so I had just gotten back from from America, we had a strategic partnership we were working on, I closed the deal, I was super excited to come back to meet with Steve. And I'm there and I'm like, in a celebratory mood, you know, and this is like a late afternoon tea in England tea time. So you're just kind of, you're just I don't know, it was three o'clock. I'm like that. And so it just kind of felt pretty light hearted. I come in and go, Dude, I'm so fired up to talk about a few things I want to I want to celebrate a little bit, you know, share all this. And we get into it and I start sharing the deal. Hey, we did it. We closed it. I'm kind of there ready for the high five. And I said it's a little different than we thought it was going to be like x naught Y, and it's even bigger than I thought. And then we thought, but it's just different. And then Steve just starts and he goes, hmm, well, I thought maybe you'd call me before. Like, why did we and how did you and that's just an literally my celebrate, I had like a celebration cake with a candle on it. And he just put water just poured right on it, you know, figuratively, and I just started turning beet red. And I'm like, starting to hold out, actually, clothes are starting to rip. And I just start, I could feel it coming. And it was like pent up anger, this same situation happening over and over again in the past. And I let all these records of wrongs come with this. And it just sparked and I literally just almost sit the table over and like, Are you kidding me? Why can't us celebrate anything? This is better than we thought who better you know, blah, blah, blah. And I just started going off on on Steve. And he's like, and everyone in like, the restaurant can hear it too. And they're like, Whoa, that was not like me understand. But it built up in me. And I go when I

Caleb Roth  
wanted to go typical brash American is in here making?

Jeremie Kubicek  
Yeah, I go, all I want to do is celebrate. And he goes, Why didn't you say that? I'm like, I did say that. Why did why did you not pick it up? Why don't you pick up the clues because you went straight to critique. And you're being critical when you don't need to be. And I showed him the deal points. And sure enough, it was better than but it still was the idea of like this happens every single time. And then we sat down. And once we calmed down. And once I calmed down, we we actually built the tool. We didn't leave. We were there probably three hours. And we didn't leave until we built the tool that's in that book. And we started using it over and over and over again. And it started working. So we've been using this construct for about eight years on communication and how to unlock relationships. And we is now used all over the globe, from consultants and coaches and companies that integrate it in super simple, but super powerful.

Caleb Roth  
Great and I love in the intro of the book, you said both you and Steve had become adept at mining out our areas of weakness. So I love that there's always two mentalities. One do you try and fix what's lagging or do you focus on the strengths and try and improve Have those? And I think the answer is usually both. And it says when you kind of looked at your areas of weakness together, you came up with communication was at the top of the weaknesses. So I love that idea of the Sherpa mindset where you're fixing your own problems and then saying, Hey, here's this construct. So why don't we dive right in? What is this construct? And I already alluded to it, there's five bullet points that start with C. But love you went in with celebration, and what are the other four? That kind of?

Jeremie Kubicek  
Yeah, so the idea is that every one of us, when we think we're communicating, most of us are transmitting. Transmission is not communication transmission is I'm sharing what my thoughts are communication is when someone receives it and shares it back. So communication is actually it's shared expectation. I have an expectation of something, do you know what it is? And so it's like expectation is attached to that transmission. And basically, the communication code are five code words similar to the, the kind of the cipher model. If we use the enigma code in World War Two, as our example, if you understand the cipher of someone and understand what their expectations are, and meet their expectation, their walls go down. But most people have an expectation the other person misses it and their wall goes up, and no one knows why. Because no one communicates clearly what it is. So the five C's are basically celebrate, care, clarify, collaborate, and critique. So the idea is that these are expectations that people attach to communication. So I'm sitting here with you, Matthew, and man, it's been a rough week, and I just, I'm so tired, and I'm so beat down. I just need you to care. I just need to talk. Now I need a safe friend. I don't need please, I don't need your critique for sure. I really don't need any collaboration. I don't even want you to clarify, can you just let me I don't want to sell there's nothing to celebrate? Would Jesus care for me, and let me be. And that's like a good buddy. Or that's like a spouse, situation or like, just listen, that's an example of care. Celebrate, already shared, Hey, man, I'm fired up, let's go, I just need a high five, I don't need a parade, I just needed an outlet to tell someone how excited I am about something. Clarify is I need to know that you know what I'm talking about before you add any collaboration. Because if I don't know that you understand me, it's gonna be really frustrating. So next, let's make sure that you're clear. Collaborate, is, you know what, Caleb, you're really good this, and I want your input, because I want you to make what I'm working on better, because I really trust and value that. And then critique, which very rarely do people want. Most of the time, that's what people give. But critique is different than critical. to critique someone is actually to make it better. So it's like, take an idea, shoot holes in it, and then go work on it, and make it better. So that's an example of critique all five of those, those are expectations of what people want. And we have custom codes, I want something's very specifically. And if you know me, well, you should learn what my code words are, and be really, really good at connecting, and my walls will go down. And then we'll have good relationships. But most relationships, they don't know the code words. And over time, they do something over and over and over again, and expect a different result, right? And it doesn't work. And so all we've done is give you code words to maybe solve your relationship issues.

Caleb Roth  
I love love those words. And a six word came to mind as I was kind of processing through and I was I was actually using this framework as I was chatting with my wife last night

Jeremie Kubicek  
collaboration. Well, I was collaborating here. Yeah, we

Caleb Roth  
are for sure. I wanted to celebrate when we came in, because I know that you're, you're a celebrated collaborator. But that six word is connect. And I think it's actually what these five are aims to do. So good relationships will have a strong sense of connection. And if you're missing these, where you talk about where you just keep adding complexity to the code, and then people try and hide to protect themselves, then we end up feeling disconnected, which is the opposite of what we want.

Jeremie Kubicek  
It is the result of the communication could if you do this, well, you will connect, which is what communication is it's transmission plus receiving. So the transmitter has a receiver, you've got a connection. So to your point, absolutely. That's the end goal. And

Caleb Roth  
then this tends to work pretty well across both families, friends, work relationships, anywhere relationships are involved.

Jeremie Kubicek  
Yes, except if you've been a complete jerk for the past 10 years. So that's the biggest issue the first two chapters in the book, talk about your past, what's it been like to be on the other side of you. And if you brought consistent challenge, but no support, so you dominated a person for a long, long period of time, a can't just read it, and then all of a sudden get oh, I'm now a perfect communicator, because that other person has a pent up frustration from the years, they have their walls up. So they're looking over the wall barely, because they know they put on this Kevlar because I know what it's like to be on the other side of you. So the first part of the book is actually you taking one relationship that you want to improve, ask the question, what's it been like to be on the other side of you, and then get really meaty and gritty and going, Hey, have you had a negative power tests taken of you, you have negative power, like, maybe you have a high personality that drives them crazy, or maybe you've had a title that is higher than theirs, and you've kind of and they feel insecure to you, or whatever the issue has been. So you have to do that work first, in order for communication to really work. Because if you just all of a sudden assume, hey, I got a new, I got a new tool, I'm going to teach it to you. And the other person has their, you know, arms folded and their walls up, it's gonna take 369 months of you being different with them, to actually let them in your life let you in their life.

Caleb Roth  
Yeah, there's another C word, then there has to be consistency over time for people to trust that, you know, they can actually, you know, connect with, you know, like,

Matthew Osborn  
saying, it's not like a magic bullet, like, it's going to take time, you can't just implement this and expect all your relationships to be fixed overnight. Like it's, it's a tool, but it's not magic, as implemented over time. And like you said, you have to be aware of what's happened in that relationship in the past and know kind of how to address that. I think that's, that's huge. Because I have that tendency, I'll read something like this to, hey, I'm going to implement these things in my relationships, and I'll improve them all going forward. When in reality, like you said, it's not always that simple. Sometimes you have to do that analysis of that relationship and see where you struggled in the past. And that's really important. That's a really cool thing, you're called out. But

Jeremie Kubicek  
it's also a very process, the communication code is a great framework to start now, with a relationship because you practice it, they don't even have to know it. You don't have to teach it to them. If I'm talking to Caleb, like, Hey, before, that sounds awesome, man, I can't wait to hear before you do, what would you like for me? You want me to collaborate? You want me to clarify what would be most helpful. And so you can use it. And then by doing even the process of using it, you're building up your they're like, Well, that was respectful, it's helpful. You don't even have to teach it to him, you just start practicing it, like, hey, I want to, you can tell you start looking for it. They're obviously wanting to celebrate. And so then you celebrate with them, right? And it's just it's missed expectations that cause drama, and missed expectation inside these relationships. It doesn't have to be that way. We just put some language around it so that maybe it sets it up and tees it up to be a good conversation.

Caleb Roth  
I like I like the approach to it. You mentioned that most people have sort of two of these that are more common or more comfortable for them than others. And in your experience, is there one that like most people kind of default to and is very common that we should just be on the lookout for and is there you mentioned critique, most people don't like to receive critique just because our walls go up and our defenses go up. But is there one of these that you see most people have? And he's kind of a natural, like the English of these? Or is there one that's a little bit more out there? Well,

Jeremie Kubicek  
you have, I mean, I would say most men have a tendency to petite. And it's just almost a habit to their kids or spouse, and they're just automatically they critique or collaborate. And you'll find it it's really more like thinkers, especially men who are thinkers in the majority are so therefore, they'll come across as like, oh, I can fix that I can solve that. Or why don't you just do this? Well, why did you do that? That's dumb. And in their minds, they're thinking, I'm just solving it for you to save you time, right? But that that is a tendency that we often see. So whereas feelers will have a tendency to want care, or celebrate or get clarity, they want to make sure that they're they're harmonizing their relational. And so that's where a lot of tension will come in with thinker and feeler. And so that's what what we just we see often and so for the thinker, it's almost like, you know, you've heard of the golden rule, obviously, do unto others as you'd want done. Well, it gets misinterpreted a lot. So I like the platinum rule. The Golden Rule misinterpreted is like, well, I don't need a hug. Why should you? I didn't get training. Why do you need it? Versus the Platinum Rule Do unto others as they would want done to themselves? So in relationships, what is it they want? What did they need right now? And they're like, well, they need care right now. Now, you might challenge that and go, they always need care, you know, but until they're at a place where they feel that you're for them, then they'll always put up a wall, if they think that you're against them or for yourself, so really, really fighting for the idea of like, Hey, I'm gonna, I'm going to help, I'm going to help get them to the next level. And I'm gonna build my relationship, but I'm gonna focus on what they need versus what I need.

Caleb Roth  
I think that's a pretty good definition of love. And you, you mentioned that in the book as well, where you said, this is a definition of love. And the idea of fighting for think is the highest good of the other is the way you phrase that. I'm curious, why did you say a definition of love because it kind of seems like the definition of love? Well,

Jeremie Kubicek  
you know, there's all types of, there's agape love, there's Eros, there's differently epilayer, all these different terms of love. So agape love is really, the idea of fighting is actually foreign to the idea of love. But we feel like it's, we're that passionate about it, like we love is to fight for the highest possible good, until that becomes a present reality, right? So if I'm fighting for your highest best, then I'm going to do things and I'm going to work hard on my communication. And I'm going to ask for, you know, apologies when necessary, or I'm going to call you up, I'm not going to call you out. So all of it is the spirit of you as a human to go, are you focused on my highest possible good, or is it only on yours. And you know, that that's, that is just a level, you know, most of us don't experience that in relationships. And so we're always working around drama of the other person. And so we just built a book that is highly practical to get if you want to get your relationships to the next level, then we've we find that most people don't spend time on this level, they might go to therapy and do all this stuff. Sometimes it's a minute. And that's that, by the way, I'm not doubting any of that that's can be, it can be really, really helpful for a lot of people. But oftentimes, it's just simply these little habits, these little, these little hacks that don't need therapy, they just need you to be aware of what's it like to be on the other side of you. And so it could just simply be learning the communication code, could be an app that all of a sudden turns it to be focused on them more than on you.

Caleb Roth  
Yeah. And you call them hacks and people, people will knock that all day and say, We don't need hacks, we need you know, actual habits that will last. But the reality is if that, like, I love frameworks, because until you can call something what it is, or have language to sort of create that container and understand what's going on. You're just clueless. And so you're like, I just like you had that dinner with Steve, where you go in going, Man, I just wanted to celebrate, I wanted to high five and wanted an Attaboy. And in response, like we just got off the rails and I ended up frustrated. And I love having that that tool. I think that's it on the theoretical side. Matthew Devaney any other just like understanding the framework, or kind of prior to any of that, before we turn more practical and dig into habits?

Matthew Osborn  
No, no, I like the like that you said at the very beginning that it should be something you should be able to explain to someone on a napkin. And when you get to something this simple with simple words that are easy to remember five C's you can go through in your mind to me like almost like Caleb just said, having something where you can explain it, but language behind it and then have a simple action to associate with that I think is really key. Because I know there's a lot of books you guys have probably read I've read where it's a great concept while you're reading it, it all sounds great. When you're done with it. It was so complex that you almost need to go through it a second time, get a notebook down and try and write it and translate it yourself into something usable. It was great in the moment, but not much transfers with it. I liked something like this where you can read this like is it write it down on a napkin, make it easily transfer have something you can immediately put into action. I wish more books followed that kind of formula, because it would make it easier for us as readers to read it and actually be able to apply it in our lives next day, they kind of have to figure out what the author intended and the best applicable way to put it in our action in our lives. So I really liked that simple framework. Maybe it's got a simple mind, like some frameworks.

Jeremie Kubicek  
Well, that's meant to be that way. It's we had a book right before this. I've written a lot of books. So this is the piece index, no surprise, there's five Ps. But the idea is, is that you have to be at peace. So if you're let's just say for instance, you're around someone who's PCE index is at 40%. And you're at 90%. And then all of a sudden, any critique that you give is inflamed by their lack of peace. So these are dynamics and then you put these books next to each other and they all start playing on one another. And that's kind of how we built them. And so that's Our whole business model is we teach these tools inside organizations, and we coach coaches and consultants. We license our content to coaches and consultants around the world. And then they use them inside their coaching practices.

Caleb Roth  
And is most of the coaching done in the business world? Or is there a lot of interpersonal communication type stuff? There's,

Jeremie Kubicek  
there's a myriad of different types. And so we have, there's a million different types. We've got coaches in the coaching counseling world, we've got business coaches, life coaches, consultants, all over. So it's however they want to apply it

Caleb Roth  
like, and then you use the bit of an analogy, which I'd never quite heard before. He said, relationships are like a puzzle. The problem is that you often need the picture on the box to understand what it's supposed to look like. So now that we have the communication code, we have these five C's, we essentially have a picture that sort of describes reality or how we show up. The question then is how do we start putting these puzzle pieces together? So you do a lot of consulting, you do a lot of coaching. Once you've laid out the framework, I keep coming back to back to that word. But once you've laid out the framework, what are some practical tips in terms of how do people start to put this into motion?

Jeremie Kubicek  
Yeah, so a couple of things. Number one is, so far is it depends on you. Be at peace with other people. So far as it depends on you start with yourself, not the other person. So a lot of times they'll go man, I wish Caleb would I wish Caleb would dot dot dot. And that list is long, Caleb, a whole bunch of people have given me stuff about you. And some time, but I wish. So what that means is I wish it's up to you. Versus like, hey, suppose it depends on me, man, I think I'm realizing that I'm critiquing all the time. Right? So that's the first framework that I like to or question I like to ask so far depends on you, what's it like to be on the other side of you? Are you willing to do the hard yards. So the second thing that I do is, this is an actual habit, Stacking Habits, concept that I do every single day. And there's there's two in particular that I'll say, number one is I do a call up session every morning with myself. And a column session is just a reminder of my identity, it's a reminder of who I am. I literally call myself in to my position and authority and my work that I do. And that can sound kind of cheesy to some people, and I'm okay. It's not for them, it's for me. So things like Dude, your Liberator man, your freedom fighter, you got this, Come on, wake up. Today's your it's not about you. It's about that I'm reminding myself who I am. Because you have to counter the negative, especially on my sports psych world. And when I'm working with athletes, and the negative mindset that comes in, you know, it's it's one negative can replace seven positives. So it's this idea that you have to actually do the hard work of calling yourself up into your position and into your authority. So I do that in the morning. And then in the evening, on the way home,

Caleb Roth  
when you're calling when you're calling yourself up. Is this because you kind of seem like an analytical person? And maybe I'm reading that wrong. Is this like a list of affirmations that you're reading? Or do you have like, some background pump up music and you're, you're you're dancing into the room, like, what does this actually look like?

Jeremie Kubicek  
I wake up, and I look, I usually will turn the shower on because I work out in the afternoon. So I'll do a morning, just kind of wake myself up. And I'll turn the shower on. And I'm kind of just kind of mumbling to myself. And I'm like, okay, okay, where are you? What are you, you know, just that kind of thing. And then I'll just kind of go into the shower. And I'll have this kind of mantra of like that, and it will turn into a prayer. It'll turn into kind of, you know, contemplation, but I'm just getting myself ready for the day. And sometimes that takes one minute. Sometimes that goes five minutes. And I'm just reminding myself about kind of my authority, kind of what I'm designed to do. And when I'm time for it, but I had a near death experience years ago, where I literally was gone four and a half, five minutes after being hit by a drunk driver in a hurricane in Mexico. And you know, it changed my entire life might change my view. So I'm like, I can have another chance of living. So I'm living at a much higher level. I'm thinking deeper, I'm biting for people. It's not just how much can I make and what kind of house can I have? I mean, it's like it's just different. And so because of that, I just, I'm responsible for leading myself and that's what I call it because for me, I love that like

Caleb Roth  
the dead giant worldwide, perhaps get started pretty soon after that accident.

Jeremie Kubicek  
I just started giant right before the accident one day before, when we actually came back from that trip, John It used to be all capital. And we came back from the trip and I squashed the eye to a little eye. And it stands for humility, not pride. So it's basically the idea of being doing big things in a humble way. So anyway, so I do that. And then in the afternoon, my My habit is, I call it it's an examine, I stole it from the Jesuits. But the idea I say that stole it from the Jesuits. But anyway, sure. But the idea of this kind of Loyola, Ignatius, amazing story. But he had this examined process, I just I took it and made it my own. And what I do at the end of the day, is my watch will go off at about 520. It'll say, examine, and I'll go, what was I grateful for today? What was the highlight of my day? One or two things? And if I'm not driving, or I'll just tell Siri Tech's Caleb text, Matthew, tell them thank you for a great talk someone or I'll just be grateful for that. I don't, I don't write it down. And then the next thing I do is I go, where was I off today? Where was I off? Where was I not at peace today? Usually, it's all around relationships. Sometimes it's my own mindset. But it's like, now I'm looking for. I'm looking for patterns to go. Was I was it was them or me? And I just start with me. So far as it depends on me. You know, where am I off? I hate it when it does that video. But where was it? Was it me? Or was it them? Right? And so usually it's me. And usually, and then that's when I go through my, my know yourself, please lead yourself. Oh, there's your tendency. Jeremie, your tendency is to get defensive. Yeah, you got defensive. That's why it happened. When does that happen? It happens. Why does that happen? Again? What did you do? What could you have done next time? What can you do? And I give myself grace and laugh it off? And I go, Oh, yeah, I get defensive. It showed up like this. This is what I did. I raised my voice. I actually kind of bowed up a little bit. And, and then what was the consequence that didn't like that. And then the reality is, if I if I don't apologize, then that reality is I'm going to create discord in that relationship. So I might go, dude, Steve, or pick someone, and I'm so sorry, I was off. I did, it was my defensive tendency again. And I didn't choose my action. So I let it get the best of me, my bad, I'm starting my fault. Forgive me, right. And then what I do is I clear the air and I reset it. And then I go next time, my trigger point is, I know my trigger point, trade up to different actions. So I've gotten pretty good at trading up and I catch myself before I do my normal tendency. And that habit has been the game changer in my influence. Because I have about I've counted, I have 32 tendencies that I've found about myself. And because of that, because of those 32 tendencies, I know now when they're going to happen, and why they're going to happen. And I catch about 75% of them. So therefore, I catch myself before I do a stupid, but the mouth or blunder or normal thing. And it's just been kind of a fun, self awareness process. Even though you never graduate from the school of self awareness. It's still it's it's worthy work. So

Caleb Roth  
I know there's a habit loop where it starts with a stimulus, and then some sort of a response. And then there's typically some sort of reward, it sounds like you're interrupting that loop by being aware of it. And then before your subconscious action takes place, you're going, you mentioned trade up, what does that mean?

Jeremie Kubicek  
Trade up means this is what I normally do. Let me trade up to something better. So we call him trade up at giant to like, your normal action is this. Or if when I'm working with athletes, I'm like, Okay, what do you what are you going to tend to do now? I'm going to get down on myself, I'm going to speak, I'm going to shout at somebody else and say it's their fault. What would it trade up be? So trade up via what's a better action? And so that's, that's just the words we use. Yeah.

Caleb Roth  
When you came up with that list of 32 tendencies, is this another framework that you've built, where you sort of have a menu of common tendencies? And you look for what kind of rhymes like you,

Jeremie Kubicek  
but also, it's a good question. I found those tendencies over the last seven years. So it's been 32 tendencies in seven years, you know what I mean? So it tells you how many you find. And then some of them, I just do them over and over again. But it's that framework I gave you know, yourself, believe in yourself. That so I put it in an air table. What's my tendency? When do I What's my pattern? When do I do it? And why do I do it? What do I tend to do my action? What's the consequence of that action? And then what reality does it shake? So that's the air table that I put it in, and then I use it to find the tenancies. I find it like, where was I off today? That's one. The other tendency is in the five voices, once you know your personality and wiring, its predictive, predictive leadership behavior. Because you got most connectors are they're hyper. And they overshare it's just true. Most connectors, get defensive. Most pioneers, blow people up, they have empathy. They're impatient. And they slam doors, most whatever. Yeah. Most in every one of those, there's tendencies with every personality. So that's the interesting part about it, kind of,

Caleb Roth  
and for those listening, we'll have Steve on the podcast next week, and he'll actually be going through the five voices. So if that sounds like Christine language will, next week as well, yeah, that's good. For all of my notes here, one second.

Matthew Osborn  
I'm just taking notes here. I'm trying to write all this down. Yeah,

Caleb Roth  
one one interesting thing, Jeremie, I've got this probably flawed view of relationships in that they call it parabolas. And so you actually mentioned the relational stages from social psychology, you talk about just meeting someone. So equate queenship, you got the build up the excitement, you're spending more time together, you've got the continuation. So this, this excitement or this connection is maintains. And then there's something called deterioration, which, of course tends to happen because we're human, and that can be any decline in the relationship. Can we sort of had to have this fork in the road with repair? Are we going to care enough about this relationship to attempt to fix it? Or, you know, do you want to work on yourself enough to do this? And if you do the work for repair, then it kind of brings it back into continuation? If you don't, then it goes all the way downhill? And terminates? Is this just how relationships work in general? And they all they all require work? And you always end up in this this continual loop of trying to say, are we going to fix this and fight for this? Yeah,

Jeremie Kubicek  
I think so. I think it is, because the reality is all relationship chips aren't equal. There's a relationship with family and my son, my daughters, my wife, those are gonna be different than my relationships with my business partners versus best friends. So there's, there's different levels of relationship, relational depth, and trust and even grace, like with family, you're kind of stuck with each other. You can't you don't really fire a family, right? So maybe, maybe we will, but it creates a different dynamic, right? And with family. And so to that point, it's like, man, is this really worth it or not? And, and so, I just think, I think it's the idea of investment, you have to walls continued to creep up over time. Because we're so busy. And we all have something to do. If you don't maintain, then it can, it can grow cold. And so you have to stoke the fire of influence to get oh, yeah, I remember why I liked you. Oh, good, so good to see you. But the more that you do that, the easier is to reestablish, if there's been a pain, or if there's been a lack of trust, or there's, there's a scar, then that's what usually happens. So in most relationships, it's that way, you know, I describe a friend in this in the book, and I had to decide, is it worth it? Is this friendship worth it? Because I asked him to book choose one person to think about through the entire book. And let's see if we can figure that personnel. And in my case, as I was writing it, I was writing it to this dear friend of mine, we've been friends forever, but we just kind of lost it. It just hasn't been. And you know, I lived in different places. And we then we live now in the same city. And I've just literally been deciding, is it worth it? Since the book even came out. And so I decided I'm actually going to lean in and get one more try in a different way. And then try something completely different. And the response was really was really well received. And so I've got a meeting with this person in the next couple of weeks. And so I'm, you know, I'm hoping that this friendship kind of rekindles because we were so close for so long. But I just think that the cares of the world, I think, kids, those meddling kids in our life, I think spouse dynamics, you know, we have a friend, we had two friends and another set of friends, they got a divorce. We're friends with both of them. So one of them we're not as close with now. You know what I mean? And so that those are just dynamics, that's just real life? Um, so that was a long answer to say, yes.

Caleb Roth  
It's good to see the colors of that when you think through so you have a lot of relationships both at work as you guys lead up a pretty good organization and a family. You've got three kids. How do you think about how to like, what are the rhythms of even going and trying to decide if you want to stoke the flames of a friend because there's a lot of people that have sort of gone through this parabola where you know, they're kind of on the on the way down or they're just in a areas of deterioration and some of that's just natural. Do you have something that like you look for as a sign or something that resonates with you? This is hey, it's time to try and Stoke this flame again. Or where are you determine where to spend your energy? Well, so

Jeremie Kubicek  
first, if you're listening to this, then there's two types of friends there's deal friends and real friends, deal friends or work friends. These are people that you just your you, your friends, because it's tied to your business. If you retire and once you're done with work, those people usually go on the wayside. You might be friends, acquaintances, but maybe Facebook friends, but you're not. They're not real friends. The other part is, are you an extrovert or introvert? So are you you know, introverts needs less friends than than extroverts do? I'm an extrovert. So to answer your question, my wife and I are at this stage of life, and we're empty nesters. So now it's like, Hey, let's go with let's, let's, let's have fun. Let's enjoy who do we want to be around. And so to rekindle any friendship or talk about it, which is really happening right now. We're looking for two things. Are they responsive? Are they resistant? If they're resistant? Is it because of us? Is it because of their own issues that are going on in life? Or is there something we're clueless about what happened was really good, because over time, you know, those kinds of things can drift apart. And so if they're responsive, then responsive means Hey, they're open, they're excited. It's mutual. Let's go, let's have fun. Let's go to dinner. So you know, we test that out. And because you have social stuff we like, let's just go let's have our friends dinner, who do you want to go to dinner with? And that tells you a lot who you want to go on trips with? That's a whole nother level of friendship, right? And there's certain people and then there's the issue. If you're married, then the spouse likes one of them, and you don't like the other person, right? So there's both together. So it's complicated. But I think it can, it can definitely be done.

Caleb Roth  
So at this stage with the empty nest, he's done a work with the football team, and you've travelled around quite a bit still, what what is a goal that you're sort of looking for, as you kind of figure out where to spend that? So kind of a follow up to that question, do you have kind of a goal that you're looking for at this stage of life?

Jeremie Kubicek  
So what's interesting is I'm a, I am a serial entrepreneur, and I have basically a startup studio of a number of companies that I'm working on starting. And so we've got different team leaders that are CEOs running each one of those companies, I'm not the CEO of any of them. The founder, I'm the creator. And so I've got that whole world that's rich, because I apprentice, these people, and I'm really, really tied into them and tight with them. So the dynamics are, you know, really, they're kind of my ideal and real friends mixed together, if you will. And so, for me, what I'm really looking for personally, is just buddies. And so we built a neighborhood. It's another thing we did, my wife and I built a modern farmhouse neighborhood. And it's 25 houses. And so 21 houses on 50 acres, really, really cool. But like, we just have firepits, and we just hang out, and we kind of built it as an intentional community. And it's kind of turned into, it's like, hey, it's actually met our expectations, and there's friendships there. So it's like, what do you need to be alive? That's ultimately what it is. And some people may need one friend, two friends. Great. That's good. Me, I've made a good circle of three to five people and another 10 or 12 out here. And then I want the 50 to 70 that are just kind of somewhat different ranges of friendships. So for me, it's going to be very different than maybe other introverts.

Caleb Roth  
Yeah, cuz to me, it's kind of like different orbits and your friends. When you built the neighborhood side question, did you control or invite who came in? Or did you put them on the market and whoever showed up, showed up?

Jeremie Kubicek  
We did Facebook ads, spent $6,000 on Facebook ads and didn't use realtors. And we sold the lights we sold all once in 24 minutes.

Caleb Roth  
And did you stay some sort of a vision of hey, we want this neighborhood to be closer than a normal neighborhood. We just

Jeremie Kubicek  
we put a website with a long table down the middle and said this is an intentional community. We built a meeting house so we have a community house. That people we have parties we have it's not a cult. That's the one thing I want to be people.

Caleb Roth  
If you have to say it's not a call, then it might be

Jeremie Kubicek  
no but when people come to the prairie, it's called the prairie it posts and when they come they're like what is this because it looks like a it looks like Architectural Digest. Kind of neighborhood. It's just very very, it's California modern style homes all around water. And we wanted to make the houses like You're like a lake house as your primary house. So it feels very, like a retreat in that regard. And so but it definitely is around intentional relationships, because that's kind of how we're wired. Me.

Caleb Roth  
And I want to, I want to just pause quick, this first conversation, and now just talk about this idea of potential relationships. I do want to be respectful of your time. So I'm gonna research that more he said, Prairie at posts is what it's called,

Jeremie Kubicek  
The prairie outpost in Arcadia, Oklahoma, right by the lake.

Caleb Roth  
I'm gonna look into this because we got a couple friend groups. We've joked about doing this. But one of the things that I've just thought through, and we'll maybe end here and be respectful of your time, Jeremie. But if you're going to build an attentional community, which you've done, I think one of the first things you have to figure out is how do you deal with conflict? Because conflict is inevitable? And if you can't handle it, then you're going to let that community break apart just naturally, we'll so Is that true? Is that probably the hardest part of it? And if so, how have you kind of gone after that?

Jeremie Kubicek  
So in a neighborhood, we actually created a very strong HOA rules. And we created, we created a positive and a negative framework, a positive was basically we make each other better. That's really it. Let's just work to make each other better. Second, is to handle negative, it's called Go to the source. So in our neighborhood, if we have an issue, I don't tell Matthew about it. I come to Pew, Caleb. So as much as possible to be at peace with every person, you go to the source, there's not complaining, there's not whining, there's no passive aggressive emails. There's no and we've had plenty of opportunities in the last five years to you know, have these situations happen. And you know, this not go the way and blah, blah, blah. And so we've just, we've just had a lot of grace for it. We're all pretty chilled. It kind of turned into an entrepreneur neighborhood. So we're all pretty responsive. And I didn't plan it that way. Just gonna happen. But I'm kind of surprisingly, um, I'm sure there's certain neighbors that don't like other neighbors, but I don't know that. You know, it's not. It's not widespread. There's no drama like that. And so far, so good. And it's by for sure, not perfect, but it's been it's been fun. Trying. Yeah, that

Caleb Roth  
sounds incredible. I'm definitely going to pick your brain on that more. Well, Jeremie, you mentioned you're a serial entrepreneur, you've got your hand and a lot of different cookie jars, if people hear about this. And of course, we'll link to a lot of your sites, your personal site and the books as well. But is there one other particular place you want people to go to learn more?

Jeremie Kubicek  
Yeah, I mean, giant worldwide. If you love this kind of stuff, you can get certified in the content, the weather, if you're in a company, and you can get certified if you're not a coach or consultant, but you just want to bring it into your company. So giant worldwide.com Or if you're a coach or consultant, then that's who we work with, and we partner with them to take our content into organizations. Perfect. We

Caleb Roth  
will link to all that and more. Jeremie, thank you so much for collaborating with us and get to celebrate your book the communication code. We really appreciate your time and we will catch everybody next week with Jeremie's business partner Steve.

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